On love and Superman -- reposting

As a kid, I have always loved Superman. Movies, Lois and Clark, Smallville - name it I have watched it. I loved seeing the blue tights and the red cape fly across my tv screen. I have also adored the almost smug confidence that he has and the way that he crosses his arms over himself while dealing with the thugs and criminals. I loved the way that a simple glance at the red and blue icon can bring a feeling of joy, peace and security to the citizens of Metropolis (and me, of course). Safe to say that I was a pretty obsessed fan before even getting into the point wherein I was arguing with Batman fans. (peace hehe)

There was a time though when due to my busy schedule, I was unable to watch anything at all about Superman for months. Getting up in the night and sleeping during mornings have proven to be a barrier between me and my favorite superhero, which was a drag.

So last week, I decided to treat myself. Armed with a large bag of popcorn and a liter of soda, I sat down to engage myself to watch Lois and Clark (the Dean Cain and Teri Hatcher tandem) on dvd. Upon watching my red and blue icon fly across my screen again, I realized something. I have never missed Superman at all. Instead, after reviewing the scenes, I had actually missed his alter ego, Clark Kent. I missed Clark's glasses which made him somewhat softer. I missed his hesitant smile which is so different from Superman's sure one. I missed seeing that loving gaze that he gives out whenever he looks at Lois. I missed his concept of loyalty and of friendship. More importantly, I missed seeing his ability to love and ACCEPT all people, regardless of who they are and what they did. I missed his optimism and his belief that love actually can solve ANYTHING.

So cheesy as it may seem, I don't look for a man in blue tights anymore. I stopped dreaming of a god holding your hand while flying above the clouds or being rescued while falling from a 9 storey building. I stopped wishing for Superman to come along my way. I just want to find my Clark Kent - someone who will see beyond every single detail of me and still love me just the same. Someone who'll tell me I'm beautiful when I feel the ugliest. Someone who'll kiss me and say that I am perfect just the way I am. Someone who'll ACCEPT me for me - including the not so good stuffs that make up my being. Someone who can dance with me even if there's no music. Someone just to be there to love me and talk to me and just simply be with me. Someone basically real in every sense of the word.

And luckily enough, I did :)

Angel

I watched you quietly, gazing into your face illuminated by the soft moonlight. Together, we bear the silence which rides through the melodies of the night. You light a cigarette, the smoke fogging up the clear night. I stare at the flames, seemingly hypnotized.

Time slumbers on and stands still, seemingly waiting for us, for a moment. Both of us were filled with the unspoken, the emotions that my soul was desperately trying to convey. Yet, the silence embraces the very breath we take.

Your face remains implacable. Desperately, I try to gauge for your psyche, for reasons that I had longed to pry from your iron clad fist. But I fail miserably. The walls remained staunch, forever my obstruction. I  continually swim the dark pools of abyss that is you.

Despite the chill, I feel your warmth beside me, the bliss of it all smothering me with its grace. My sanity wavers, surrendering.

The night traverses on and I watch every second fall like the rain. Tears are necessary and they fall. Your hand slides over to my tears. I close my eyes, feeling myself sink into the moment. I grasp you hand, my lifeline, my destruction. I know my death is imminent. It is near.

For when the first dew of the sunrise appears, I know, I'll be left alone, withering, craving, searching for your phantom beneath these skies.

Mindless

A broken soul lying amidst the pieces of rubble
Dreams of yesteryears were heaved upon the abyss
I stood by, gazing at the ruins with satisfaction
The sheer brokenness have offered me mindlessness

However, I continue to shatter
The bliss of forgetfulness I can never obtain
I wound with the shards of my spirit
I bleed with the pyres of the jagged edges

Perhaps, I quiver with the pain it bringsMaybe, I relish every drop of blood
To my own folly, I had longed made myself believe
That someday, I could find the rainbow's edge

Cruelly, my aspirations began to schism with time
As leprachaums dance out of my reach
I cling on to a flaccid thread of my childish gamesOnly to fall back into the pits of Tartarus

Food trip

For every Pinoy, food remains to be a not just something we live by but something we live on. Food can define a family, a society. In every event and occassion, food will always be a center of attention. In parties and get together, it can be a great conversation starter. Some, my dad included, consider the process of food making to be holy. Some, myself included, consider the process of EATING it to be holy, :)

Food and me, we have a very strange relationship, though. Due to my weight issues, I have come to abhor and adore food obsessively. I have dieted and have eaten a lot and have dieted and have eaten a lot enough to make a nutritionist weep and beg for mercy. :) However, like most struggling relationships, food and I survived - and so we continue to love each other.

A popular saying says that you are what you eat. So in this light, I'd like to share with you what makes my digestive system sing praises and do cartwheels. In this way, I can share with you who I am and what makes up ME.

1. Chocolates. Dark chocolates to be exact. My sweet tooth came way way before my wisdom tooth has grown. If there was a certification for being a Chocoholic (Dark chocoholic to be exact), I would definitely pass the test with flying colors. Whether its laced with mint or sprinkled with nuts, the chocoholic in me wants it all. Sure, it can cause weight gain but who's to argue when the trade is it can boost your cognitive abilities and improve your circulation in return? :) Plus the fact that it can release endorphins which basically equates to happiness. Raise your hands, my fellow chocoholics :)

2. Pinoy ADOBO - This pinoy classic never runs out of style. Pork/Chicken, soy sauce, vinegar makes a dish that somehow embodies the whole of the Pinoy food culture. This is the type of dish that tastes good, no matter how carefully or carelessly prepared. :) And my dad's version still remains the best. :) Maybe I'm being biased though.

3. McDonald's cheeseburger/Fries - Yes, I know that your calorie counter will scream and bang her head off when she sees the tray with your cheeseburger and fries from McDonald's. I know that you'll shake your head off after finishing off the last bit of fries and wonder how you were able to wolf it down. But still, the aroma of the cheeseburger and the saltiness of the fries is very well worth the guilt for your calorie consumption. FYI: This has always been, weirdly enough, my version of chicken soup. This was always and is still my comfort food for illness or hormones :)

4. Tinola - Pinoy's version of chicken soup. The combination of chicken, ginger and young papayas really tickle my tastebuds and nostrils everytime. I think my boyfriend is going gaga because this is almost always a request of mine especially for rainy afternoons or cold nights. :)

5. Pompoms, Cheesedog, Lumpiang Shanghai, Zoomzoom, Vital - I know these are probably so full or MSGs and artificial chemicals that DFA should probably a ban on them. But these junk food remind me of my childhood. They remind me of the time in my life where I still believed that there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. They remind me of the chases and laughter and the games that made up my childhood. :) They remind me of my generation wherein we weren't as careful as the kids now, but we still managed to survive day by day despite the potful of MSGs that come with the junkfoods that we ate then and still eat now.

6. Pigarpigar/Kaleskes - Ok. You'd have to be a Dagupeno to be able to know these dishes so let me describe them briefly. Pigarpigar is a meal made from strips of beef deep fried to perfection with lots of lots of onions. Vegetables are optional. Personally, I prefer placing in young corn or cauliflower on top of this dish. Kaleskes is made from pig parts with a steaming soup. Coagulated blood is optional to this dish as well. :) I adore both of these dishes because they remind me of home. They remind me that life can taste as good as they do (subjectively, I know). Likewise, some of the best memories that I have with my sister involves sneaking out at dawn to eat either one of those dishes :) And that is priceless.

6. Pancit Canton/Instant Noodles. Ahhh...My college main food staple. For those who spent their college out of their homes and lived in dorms and apartments, you probably know what I mean when I say I've tasted every brand of instant noodles that God ever made. When you're struggling to make sure that your allowance lasts until the weekend or until your next allowance day, this is your savior. :) Suffice to say, this food always makes me remember college where I learned how to stand up for myself and appreciate myself more :)

So, these are the things that I will leave for now. Believe me though, there's still a lot more from where that came from. :) My journey will not be a journey without snacks or meals or chips along the way, helping me find my path and strengthen my soul.

Happy eating. :)

On Writing and my Soul

Lately, I haven't been able to think of anything to write. And it scares me. Words are my sunlight. Letters and thoughts are the air that I breathe in. Without them, I feel like my world's gone black and white. Everything's dreary.

I am not sure where the lack of inspiration started. Could be the series of ordinary days that I have. Could be the Time that I can never grab by my hands. All I know is that I cannot live without my soul.

So hear I am. Trying to breath. Trying to see colours and live again.

Hope I succeed.

Night

The dark of the night drifts by..
And the cold wind wraps itself around me
Cold..unforgiving..

I cower in one corner
Hiding from the glare of the moon
My panacea deserts me

The stars remain black and cold
They are lifeless diamonds
They stare...they judge

The icy glare penetrates me
They creep into my dulled senses
until my soul is dried out

In one corner, I wait
Wait for my indigo hues
Which I will kiss at the break of the dawn

In the corner, I wait
Anticipating the single sliver of light
Which will eventually peek right through

I wait..

Things I want to do while I still live

First, I'm not morbid nor dying nor sick. Haha! I am in major major perfect health.

I was thinking, while nearly throwing up on Kennon Road twisty curves earlier this dawn that life is a beautiful thing. Despite the fact that it isn't perfect, it still provides us with little miracles each and every day. Life is truly glorious and I want to make the best of it and embrace it, roses and thorns alike and experience it with all its simple majesty. It is a wonderful thing to be alive. :)

Having said that, while I live, there are things that I've been thinking would be fun to do to fully appreciate MY LIFE. :) Some are simple, some are impossible, some I have done already and want to do again. :) Some maybe even trivial to you. Hopefully, I can achieve most, if not all. :) So here it goes...

1. Wake up the entire night with my hun with a telescope, stare up the sky, wait for a comet or a meteor and sleep underneath the stars

2. Eat 10 cheeseburgers without stopping until I literally throw up haha :)

3. Help an old lady cross the street (I honestly have never this in action and this has been an cliche example of GMRC during elementary and HS days heehee)

4. Go on a safari

5. Swim with the dolphins (hopefully no sharks)

6. Run at the beach with my 2 dogs (never had time to do this)

7. Slurp down as much chocolate ice cream as I can until I get a headache (Oops, I've already done this haha)

8. Skydive! Bungee jump!! Any extreme sport will do.

9. Walk around the city and take pictures with a really good camera for one whole day (dawn till dusk
literally)

10. Sing or speak in front of a big audience..and conquer my fear :) (Yikes)

11. Befriend someone I don't like till we become genuine friends

12. Attend a ball or a dance again

13. Tell someone how I feel the moment I feel it whether good or bad :)

14. Go to the beach with my bestfriends and just play the day away
\
15. Talk to a friend that I had a falling out with

16. Dance in the rain silly :)

17. Run through sprinklers

18. Watch chick flicks the whole night with popcorn and soda and tissues and cry

19. Hug a total stranger

20. Cook randomly without any recipes at all (hahah..good luck pero sa kakain)

21. See sunrise or sunset at the beach.

22. Learn a sport or a hobby and be good at it.

23. Spend a night in a really expensive hotel just because I want to

24. Ride in an airplane :)